Tuesday, March 6, 2012

BPD and Quitting Smoking

I'm going to get into a little bit about my severe rapid cycling bipolar disorder today along with my quitting smoking.
I was diagnosed at age 18 with the disease. I can say I tried almost all of the bipolar meds in the PDR in order to find some solace, but the combos didn't work. I remember taking Haldol, an anti-psychotic, and ending up with no less than 26 oozing boils on my face. Needless to say, I was not happy. Another side effect was feeling like a zombie. I didn't care for Haldol. At all.
I can say I finally found the right cocktail three years ago. Yes. All these years it has taken to mix the right meds to make me feel relatively calm...I was taking 2000 mg of Depakote daily and I gained so much weight that I was psychwearing a size 6XL. I sat down with my psych and therapist and said enough, I wanted off of it. They agreed, and it took SIX months to safely wean off the medication. I lost 80 pounds. Mind you, the psych had to prescribe another anti-psychotic in order to keep me on an even keel. He prescribed Risperdal (now generic - risperdone). It worked for several weeks then I started feeling jumpy and agitated again. He prescribed Seroquel, ANOTHER anti-psychotic, and finally I began to relax. However, I have gained weight back and I am not happy about it.
I quit smoking cold turkey 24 days ago and am extremely proud of myself. I hadn't started smoking until I was 26 years old...23 years ago! I also suffer from carotid artery disease, so I HAD to quit if I wanted to live. It hasn't been easy, but every day I feel stronger and more in control. I don't need a cigarette to get through the day. It was an awful habit; I was even past the point of enjoying a smoke after a meal. I would just run outside (I never smoked in the apartment) after I'd get up in the morning to light up. Every time I did, I would be so angry with myself because of the lack of willpower. Finally I got to the last cig in the pack and I said that is IT - I am done - and prayed and prayed to my Higher Power that I could be strong enough to overcome the awful habit. So far, I have not cheated. I admit the cravings are there, but it would take me driving to the convenience store down the block to get a pack of smokes...and I would have a cig fired up before I even got into the car.
Not worth it. Not worth it.
So on I go, taking the right cocktail of bipolar meds and smoke-free. Can't think of anything better at the moment! Thank You Lord for the blessings! I owe it all to Him.

1 comment:

  1. I guess I was pretty lucky to find the right combination of meds pretty early on after my diagnosis.
    I'm not a rapid cycler, though. I tend to stay in the depressive end of things for quite a long time before I hit the manic end for a short period.
    I remember all those years ago when we first got to know each other, you were taking Lithium and that didn't work very well for you either.
    I'm glad you finally found the right combination. You're doing pretty well these days. :-)

    Quitting smoking isn't an easy thing to do, and it does take awhile for all the cravings to go away. It's been almost nine months since I quit and once in awhile, especially if someone else near me is smoking, I will still get a craving, but they're really easy to ignore now and I just go on about my business.
    I'm proud of you for finally giving it up and I pray God gives you strength to stick to it.

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