Another Part of My Life Gone...and Life Does Go On...

With the advent of Facebook, I can say I have reconnected with childhood friends, grade school and high school classmates, and Manilow pen pals I conversed with back in the late 1970s, among others. I don't know about you, but I can say it has made a profound change in my life. For that I am grateful. Yesterday I took a chance and punched in the name of a person that was an instrumental part of my life during sophomore year in high school (1977-1978). Immediately it came up "Living Memorial for ______ _______". She had a very unique name but I wanted to make sure it was her. True enough, one post had information that I knew was personal enough to confirm it was indeed a page dedicated to her. Unfortunately, she had died last month. With a heavy heart, I read the posts. Friends expressed their condolences and feelings about my friend. Her daughter said she was so glad _____ was her mother and she was grateful _______ took care of her and her children. Now I must say my friend and I had an interesting relationship. She lived on the West Coast in a major city. We were friends through the "magic of Manilow". When I would have arguments with my parents, I would run out of the house up the street to a pay phone and call her collect, sobbing in frustration. ________ always had kind words to say. We started making arrangements for me to move across the country to be with her. My life was totally unbearable. It was the beginning of my descent into hell thanks to rapid severe cycling bipolar disorder. But it would be four more years until I was officially diagnosed with the disease. ______ and I wrote to each other every single day. It took four days for a letter to be delivered. Therefore, if she mailed a letter on Monday, I would receive it on Thursday, Tuesday on Friday, and so on. And I'm not talking about a skimpy one page letter - I mean letters from eight to twelve pages long. She told me things would get better. Unfortunately, the talk eventually drifted to sexual tones and comments. My parents got hold of the letters and unbeknownst to me, they contacted her and threatened a lawsuit if she did not cease and desist all communication immediately. I didn't know of this until I called and she said she couldn't speak to me anymore. She explained what happened and I was hysterical. I actually had a physical ache in my heart. There went my "out". I knew I would never make it through high school. Consequently, I attempted suicide by downing an entire bottle of Stelazine (known back then as "the happy pill"). My father was so angry at me - he called the neighborhood pharmacist and asked what he should do. He was told in no uncertain terms to get me to the ER immediately to have my stomach pumped. Never happened - but I slept for three days straight. My descent into the dark abyss continued for years. Suicide attempts continued. But I never forgot ______; I just wish I had been able to contact her before she passed away to tell her I was doing a lot better. I'll never forget her. Just another part of my complicated life lived, and another person who touched my life, however brief, is gone.

Barry Manilow: It's No Secret!

   Well, for the two people in the world who don't know this by now, I am a Manilow fan.
   And no, I am NOT a Fanilow.
   I cringe when I hear that description of Manilow fans. I don't go to Manilow parties, I don't blast "Copacabana" on my car stereo. Even Barry scoffs at the moniker.
   I have had the good fortune of meeting him several times and every opportunity was fantastic. I even worked for him in 1987 during his book-signing tour. Barry is an absolute gentleman and fun to be with.
   When I was in high school, I was an absolute geek. I became totally captivated by the total Manilow mystique and consequently, the name "Barry Manilow" and my name became synonomous. I went to my 30th high school reunion in 2010 and many gals asked about Barry and me. I had lots to tell them!
   I can say that he is an instrumental part of my life. I, as many people, had a lot of troubles growing up. His music got me through the rough times. For that, I am eternally grateful. Thank you, Barry, for sharing your musical talents with the world! God Bless!

    I love this commercial from Target!
    I remember "Alouette" - a nursery rhyme from my childhood. Target has taken this song and exploded it! The acrobats jump from scene to scene, changing ordinary items into colorful things like lamps, pillows, tableware. I like the gaily-colored suits the acrobats wear. And I must say that the commercial reminds me very much of one of my high school classmates, who will be known as "J". She is fluent in several languages, including French. Every time I see this, I think of J in a happy way.
 

Cincinnati Defeats Florida State, 62-56

    It's the end of the tourney for the Florida State men's basketball team. The Cincinnati Bearcats pulled out a win last night in Nashville, defeating the Seminoles 62-56. Hopes were dashed for a Sweet 16 position for the Seminoles. Great season, guys; you are still ACC champs!

Spongebob Squarepants - Lots of Double Entendres and Fun!

    My guilty pleasure is Spongebob Squarepants...
    Five  years ago I woud babysit my neighbor's three year old daughter. She was into Dora the Explorer, Backyardigans, Go Diego Go, and Spongebob. I never had understood the cult following of this yellow sponge who lives in a pineapple under the sea.
   Well.
    I began watching the cartoon and hells bells, I was laughing uproariously at the double entendres. I believe it is this generation's Bugs Bunny. His cohorts Patrick Star, Mr. Krabs, Squidward, and Spongebob's pet snail Gary are spot on to make anyone in a bad mood laugh. I never thought I would admit that I would enjoy this cartoon as much as I do, but I do...in this world full of violence, it's just a little window which can offer fun and laughter to kids as well as adults. Spongebob Rocks!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Happy St. Patrick's Day to all - whether you are Irish or Irish for just a day! Have a fun day/night - but PLEASE - if you are drinking, DO NOT DRIVE. Get a designated driver or take a cab. Be safe! Slainte!

Florida State Seminoles Beat Bonnies, 66-63!

Congratulations to the Florida State Seminoles men's basketball team, seeded #3 in the March Madness tourney, for beating St. Bonaventure 66-63 in the second round March 16th! Next up are the Bearcats from Cincinnati Sunday, March 18th! FEAR THE SPEAR!! NOLES ROCK!

Weather Changes Aggravate My Bipolar Disorder

Good morning! Today's temps will be in the high 60s! The sun has risen and it promises to be a bright and beautiful day. I didn't get much sleep last night. The sudden change in weather really messes up my attitude and moods. So much for winter easing into spring - spring does not officially arrive until next Tuesday - we are destined to experience a slam into a possible summer-like environment. Across the country today it will go into the 80s! As I said, this sudden and major shift of temperatures does not help me stay on an even keel. It is true, at least for me, that warmer weather keeps me positive. But the ever changing up and down temps shift my rapid cycling bipolar disorder into an avalanche of confusion, agitation and restlessness. The solution for me at this moment? I will be going in to nap for several hours and hope that when I awake I will feel better. Does anyone else have this problem? Blessings be...

Phi Theta Kappans - Where Are You?

Another fulfilling aspect of my life I'd like to share with you is that I am a proud Phi Theta Kappan since 1990! I was inducted into the Rho Upsilon chapter at Community College of Philadelphia. I also was voted in as Pennsylvania state president of Phi Theta Kappa later that year. However, I was unable to fulfill my duties due to my bipolar illness. It was very discouraging to me to have to forfeit my post. I had lots of fun going to leadership meetings and happily gave many PTK hugs to my fellow Greeks! Are any of you also a PTK'r? Share your thoughts and experiences! And special PTK hugs to you!

Am still trying to figure this blogging thing out. There are a lot of things I would like to add but have no clue how to add keywords or pictures, and I don't think it is fair for me to keep expecting my friend to add to my blog when in essence it is my blog...you know what I mean? So I will start experimenting on my blog for sure. I have no plans tomorrow, so I have no responsibilities to handle. Would like to know how y'all are feeling; I'm looking to make friends through this blog and hope some of y'all do too! Have a great night!

How Glorious!

I think winter will be passing us by. We have had a whopping four inches of snow since December and that is IT! To make matters even better, this week the temperatures are going to be in the high 60s - low 70s! Now I must admit, this sort of weather - sunny, warm, bright - helps me function in a better capacity. It makes me want to clean myself up, eat the right things, and take a walk around the neighborhood. This morning I showered, took all my meds, and went outside to sit on the step for 10 minutes. Later I will be meeting a friend for lunch, which I am really looking forward to. I wish all those with bipolar disorder could feel the way I do right now. Even, calm, in focus and dare I say it - "normal"? No, what I really wish for is for ALL people to feel this balanced. It's a wonderful experience. And I take advantage of it every chance I get, since they are few and far between. Blessings be!

ONE MONTH SMOKE-FREE!!

WHOO HOO!!!

Today is ONE MONTH since I quit smoking!

I feel better; no problems catching my breath when I walk up 24 steps to get into my apartment...no stinky clothes or car...and best of all, I am healing my lungs and heart!

I couldn't have done it without the Lord ~ praying when I had/have awful cravings to just "light one up" has gotten me through the rough times!

On to the next smoke-free month!

Survivor - and Colton - Made Me Cringe

I am a big fan of the show "Survivor". I have watched every season. However, last night's episode made me cringe.
There is a young pretty boy college student from Alabama on the men's team named Colton. He has made no bones about it, he is a rich boy. What made me sick was that he proudly admitted he has an African-American woman as a servant!
He persuaded the men's team to go to the women's team and ask them to give up their immunity idol so the men's team could vote off Bill, a young African-American struggling stand up comic. Colton refused to talk to him, saying in essence Bill was beneath him and everyone else. "GET A REAL JOB!" he announced.
It was the first time in 24 years of the show that something like this happened (change of immunity idol for Tribal Council). Jeff Probst was actually aghast at the turn of events and how Colton had brainwashed the entire men's team to believe Bill was not worth keeping on. I think it gives the show a very bad name.
To ALL African-Americans - let me please tell you - ALL white, gay people do NOT feel the way Colton does. I will apologize for his total ignorance. I am totally ashamed of his actions, as I do not feel that way toward African-Americans. Yes, I am gay - and white - but Colton, get out of the 60s - the civil rights bill was passed and nobody should be judged by the color of his/her skin. Sickening.
I seriously am thinking I might boycott the show for the rest of the season...anybody with me?

And We're Going "HMMM!" Why?

Barry (Manilow) was married a long, long time ago (ala Rock Hudson style). For some reason the marriage "just didn't work out". Go figure. It's been in the news for years what gender Barry prefers, the places he goes that are specific to his "tastes", the parks he visits to satisfy his needs. He's been sued and had to pay for "issues" that have arisen when he tripped up and "almost got caught". He's a sly one, that Barry.

BPD and Quitting Smoking

I'm going to get into a little bit about my severe rapid cycling bipolar disorder today along with my quitting smoking.
I was diagnosed at age 18 with the disease. I can say I tried almost all of the bipolar meds in the PDR in order to find some solace, but the combos didn't work. I remember taking Haldol, an anti-psychotic, and ending up with no less than 26 oozing boils on my face. Needless to say, I was not happy. Another side effect was feeling like a zombie. I didn't care for Haldol. At all.
I can say I finally found the right cocktail three years ago. Yes. All these years it has taken to mix the right meds to make me feel relatively calm...I was taking 2000 mg of Depakote daily and I gained so much weight that I was psychwearing a size 6XL. I sat down with my psych and therapist and said enough, I wanted off of it. They agreed, and it took SIX months to safely wean off the medication. I lost 80 pounds. Mind you, the psych had to prescribe another anti-psychotic in order to keep me on an even keel. He prescribed Risperdal (now generic - risperdone). It worked for several weeks then I started feeling jumpy and agitated again. He prescribed Seroquel, ANOTHER anti-psychotic, and finally I began to relax. However, I have gained weight back and I am not happy about it.
I quit smoking cold turkey 24 days ago and am extremely proud of myself. I hadn't started smoking until I was 26 years old...23 years ago! I also suffer from carotid artery disease, so I HAD to quit if I wanted to live. It hasn't been easy, but every day I feel stronger and more in control. I don't need a cigarette to get through the day. It was an awful habit; I was even past the point of enjoying a smoke after a meal. I would just run outside (I never smoked in the apartment) after I'd get up in the morning to light up. Every time I did, I would be so angry with myself because of the lack of willpower. Finally I got to the last cig in the pack and I said that is IT - I am done - and prayed and prayed to my Higher Power that I could be strong enough to overcome the awful habit. So far, I have not cheated. I admit the cravings are there, but it would take me driving to the convenience store down the block to get a pack of smokes...and I would have a cig fired up before I even got into the car.
Not worth it. Not worth it.
So on I go, taking the right cocktail of bipolar meds and smoke-free. Can't think of anything better at the moment! Thank You Lord for the blessings! I owe it all to Him.

Today was a strange day.
Ingrid had asked me to accompany her to do some errands and afterwards we were going to grab some lunch. One thing led to another, and the day became a joke to the both of us. For some reason, it seemed as if the entire population of Philadelphia was out shopping, driving, the works...and it honestly was stressful. After we had grabbed a quick lunch of cheesesteaks from our favorite steak shop, it was time to go to the market. LOL, we went around the world to get there and of course couldn't find a parking space anywhere near the door.
Ingrid looked at me and said, "What if they don't have a scooter?" in such a plaintive voice I had to laugh. I replied, "You know what? Do you really need that ice cream and crab meat today?" She answered no. I asked if it was on sale all week and she said yes.
"OK, we will come back out later in the week and get your food, but today is not the day! Is that all right with you?" I said. She seemed relieved. "Yeah, I really am TIRED!" We both laughed, saying that we were getting so old that we couldn't even complete tasks that were usually easy for us. Not anymore. Given that she is recuperating from a severe illness and isn't totally up to snuff yet along with me suffering from a painful back due to three back surgeries, we just are floundering along.
She drove me back to my car and wished each other goodbye, then headed home to our respective abodes. I requested that she give me a quick ring upon arriving home to let me know she got home safely, and she did. As for me, I flopped down on my bed and passed out for over 4 hours! I find that I have been sleeping more lately.
I woke at 6:45 pm, had a bowl of dry cereal (I do not care for milk on my cereal) and began to answer several of my e-mails. At 7 pm I turned on Bob Pantano's Saturday Night Dance Party on WOGL 98.1 FM; the dance party has been on the air for 35 years and I make it a point to listen whenever I can. The music is from my high school days in the late 70s and I am quite fond of hearing the "oldies".
Wanted to add that today makes over three weeks since I quit smoking cold turkey. I am extremely proud of myself and my fortitude.
God Bless and hugs & love to all of you!

It is now 23:15 (11:15 for those not familiar with military time). A very good friend of mine assisted me in creating this blog. I have a lot to get off my chest, so stop back daily to check in! Am always looking for creative criticism. My goal is to have a completed manuscript ready to send to publishing agents by March 2013 consisting of my memoirs. I gladly will listen to your reminiscing of times we spent together (or not!). I appreciate your enthusiasm in me launching this blog, and I look forward to doing the one thing I like to do best: make you smile.
Blessings!

Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons … All they do is show you’ve been to college.
—Kurt Vonnegut